Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts.

Family: a social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit only once per year

Marry an orphan - you'll never have to spend boring holidays with in-laws.

Distant relatives are the best kind - and the further away the better.

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.

Let's not be hard on relatives. They had no choice in the matter either.

Never tell your new year resolution beforehand or it becomes twice as onerous.

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you diet.

If you don't clean your house for two months it doesn't get any dirtier.

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you wash the dishes - and then six months later you have to start all over again.

And as for children

Insanity is heredity: you get it from your children.

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away,

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

No wonder people are so horrible, when they start life as children.

The trouble with children is that they are not returnable.